"All good books are alike in that they are truer than if they had really happened
and after you are finished reading one you will feel that all that happened to you
and afterwards it all belongs to you; the good and the bad, the ecstasy, the remorse,
and sorrow, the people and the places and how the weather was."
Ernest Hemingway
Showing posts with label Libraries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Libraries. Show all posts

Friday, April 21, 2017

Read Harder Challenge 2017: Part 3

I finally finished the next part of my Read Harder Challenge.  I finished:
  • Read a book about books.
  • Read a book that is set within 100 miles of your location.
  • Read a collection of stories by a woman.

26531650
Simon & Schuster
Starting out, I finished reading The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu by Joshua Hammer, which details events beginning in 2012 when more than 350,000 manuscripts--many of which had been painstakingly collected by Abdel Kader Haidara--were endangered by Al Qaeda militants seizing control of Mali.  In his book, Hammer details how Haidara and other manuscript collectors managed to find, preserve, and rescue hundreds of thousands of manuscripts, before smuggling them out of the country under the noses of Al Qaeda.

As the summary attests, it's indeed a "brazen heist worth of Ocean's Eleven."  Personally, I found it fascinating to learn how Haidara became involved in the manuscript preservation business and how he and other librarians managed to steal away more than 350,000 manuscripts from Timbuktu.  I mean, the number is simply mind boggling.

Moreover, I was consistently fascinated by the history and culture of Timbuktu and Mali as a whole.  Hammer offers a rich variety of details, discussing the medical, cultural, historical, scholastic and artistic impact of Timbuktu.  Although his work can grow a little dry, every chapter offers fascinating insight into the history of Timbuktu and, more importantly, provides readers with an eye-opening portrait of the conditions faced by Mali's residents when Al Qaeda invaded.

Beauty and the Mustache
Cipher-Naught
Next, I checked out Beauty and the Mustache by Penny Reid.  Set in Tennessee, Beauty and the Mustache is a short, sweet little romance--which kicks off the Winston Brothers series and continues the Knitting in the City series, both by Penny Reid--that brings together Ashley Winston and Drew Runous.  After spending more than 8 years away from home, Ashley is forced to return to Tennessee to help take care of her ailing mother.  Expecting the same rough treatment from her brothers as from years before, she's surprised to learn they've changed.  She's even more surprised to meet their friend Drew, especially when she realizes he's exactly her type.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading Beauty and the Mustache.  Like I noted above, it's a short, sweet little romance and it's absolutely adorable.  It's sometimes bittersweet, sometimes tragic, but I immensely enjoyed reading Penny Reid's novel.  I found I connected to Ashley, our main character and narrator, on a personal level and I admired her sharp, sarcastic sense of humor, her intelligence, and her ability to go toe-to-toe with Drew's philosophical meanderings.

However, I will note I was bothered by one thing:  I did not like the setting.  I love the Smoky Mountains, don't get me wrong; however, I simply didn't like the narrator's inability to describe her surroundings.  I was incredibly disappointed by the setting descriptions, which were seriously lacking.  I wanted to hear more about the winding roads, the multitude of trees, the softly sloping mountains in the distance, or the way the hills fade against the horizon, deepening to a slate blue before disappearing altogether.

I wanted to hear about places I've known or seen, but, sadly, I didn't get that chance.  It was slightly disappointing.

2782459
Anchor
Last, I read Moral Disorder by Margaret Atwood.  I think I might have fudged the challenge parameters with this one, since it's really just a single novel; however, as it's labeled with "Other Stories," I assumed it would do the trick.  It centers around one woman--Nell--but it's a compilation of many short stories from different points in her life.

It begins with "Bad News," toward the tail end of Nell's life, but it jumps through time with each story and catapults Nell into the past, showing readers glimpses of her childhood and her adolescence and, finally, her transition into adulthood.

Truthfully, I didn't enjoy reading Moral Disorder that much.  Atwood is a fantastic writer and her prose packs a punch when she wants it, but, personally, I found I couldn't always connect with the stories in Moral Disorder, I couldn't always connect to Tig and Nell.  Granted, when I did connect with one of these stories, it moved me deeply and I worried for Nell, like I'd worry for a friend; however, I found it was a rather unremarkable journey for me overall.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu: And Their Race to Save the World's Most Precious Manuscripts

25814351
Simon & Schuster
The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu:  And Their Race to Save the World's Most Precious Manuscripts
Joshua Hammer
2016

The Summary
"To save precious centuries-old Arabic texts from Al Qaeda, a band of librarians in Timbuktu pulls off a brazen heist worthy of Ocean's Eleven.

"In the 1980s, a young adventurer and collector for a government library, Abdel Kader Haidara, journeyed across the Sahara and along the Niger River, tracking down and salvaging tens of thousands of ancient Islamic and secular manuscripts that were crumbling in the trunks of desert farmers.  His goal was to preserve this crucial part of the world's patrimony in a gorgeous library.  But then Al Qaeda showed up at the door.

"The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu tells the incredible story of how Haidara, a mild mannered activist and historian from the legendary city of Timbuktu, became one of the world's greatest and most brazen smugglers by saving the texts from destruction.  With bravery and patience, he organized a dangerous operation to sneak all 350,000 volumes out of the city to the safety of southern Mali.  This real-life thriller is a reminder that ordinary citizens often do the most to protect the beauty and imagination of their culture.  It is also the story of a man who, through extreme circumstances, discovered his higher calling and was changed forever by it."

The Good
I enjoyed reading The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu.  First and foremost, I had the chance to learn about some amazing librarians who did extraordinary things (I always like learning about librarians); second, I learned so much about Timbuktu and Mali, which I enjoyed.  I love learning about different regions and locales, and I was positively enchanted by Mali and the beautiful manuscripts Abdel Kader Haidara uncovers.

I love books.  I especially love old books.  They're beautiful and precious, and I was enthralled by the simple history and content of the hundreds of manuscripts that Haidara saved.  Joshua Hammer had a way of describing the manuscripts that made me want to reach out and hold them, to run my fingers over the pages and see the full-colored details painstakingly drawn upon their pages.

I was dying to view one for myself and feel the weight of history in my hands.

It's a consistent feeling throughout the book.  Hammer gives these manuscripts--and the men and women who saved them--a great significance.  They feel important, crucial to the preservation of history and culture and memory.

You get the feeling that Hammer is passionate about this story.  He wants to tell readers about the incredible librarians who preserved history against all odds, about the city and country that suffered under Al Qaeda, about the small community that banded together to survive unspeakable tragedy.  Truly, it's awe-inspiring to read.

The Bad
No complaints.

It's a bit slow on the build up, but it's a fascinating and thoughtful inspection on a region of the world with which I'm unfamiliar.  I was excited to learn more about Mali's wonderful and colorful history, to hear more about Haidara's unprecedented rescue mission of more than 350,000 books and manuscripts.

The Ugly
The violence this region endured is staggering.

Mali, particularly Timbuktu, was a thriving haven for artists, musicians, tourists, religious leaders, educators, and historians.  Regular festivals were held in honor of local music and musicians, and museums sprang up to celebrate the social, scholarly, medical, and cultural history of Mali.  And yet almost over night everything changed with the arrival of Al Qaeda.

Strict religious and social laws, appalling punishments, brutal behavior, cruelty, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.  They killed and maimed those they believed broke their laws; they restricted local businesses and workers, imposing harsh strictures, and all but killed Mali's economy; they defaced monuments and burned books, art, and more, destroying anything they saw as challenging their leadership.  They effectively tried to erase Mali's history and impose their own.

It's horrifying to witness these things.  I mean, I found it heartbreaking to see Timbuktu have its entire culture and history reworked through a lens of bigotry and hate, to witness innocent people lose their homes, their businesses, their limbs and their very lives for a philosophy of violence.  It's painful, and it's what makes The Bad-Ass Librarians of Timbuktu such a hard book to read and discuss.

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

The Night Bookmobile

6881206
Abrams
The Night Bookmobile
Audrey Niffenegger
2010

The Summary
"The New York Times bestselling author of The Time Traveler's Wife and Her Fearful Symmetry, Audrey Niffenegger, has crafted her first graphic novel after the success of her two previous critically acclaimed novels-in-pictures, The Three Incestuous Sisters and The Adventuress.

"The Night Bookmobile tells the story of a wistful young woman who one night encounters a mysterious disappearing library on wheels.  This library includes everything, and only everything, she has ever read.  Seeing her history and most intimate self in this library, she embarks on a search for the bookmobile.  But over time her search turns into an obsession she longs to be reunited with her own collection and therefore, her memories.

"The Night Bookmobile is a haunting tale both of transcendence and the passion for books, and features the evocative full-color pen-and-ink work of one of the world's most beloved storytellers."

The Good
I read The Night Bookmobile at the suggestion of a coworker, and I found I was fascinated by the notion of a library existing that contains every single item that you have ever read.  It reminded me a bit of the Archive in Jim Butcher's Dresden Files, and I couldn't help but be intrigued by the premise of Niffenegger's graphic novel.

Truthfully, I love the idea that every piece of information ever written is collected somewhere, tucked away in some supernatural library that can only be accessed by the right people.  It's something that has enchanted me for years, and I was glad to see it enacted in another story.  However, I'm not sure what to make of the way The Night Bookmobile handled the matter.  I'm still trying to figure out how it makes me feel.

Overall, The Night Bookmobile is a curious story.  It's not a tragedy, per se, but it isn't exactly a happy little story about a woman and her library.  It makes you think, it makes you feel things you might rather not feel, and it makes you question your own mortality...and wonder, what exactly, you will leave behind.

The Bad
I'm really not sure what to make of The Night Bookmobile.

It's intriguing, but it leaves me feeling slightly squeamish.  I mean, as a reader, I love books.  I must have 400 books in my house alone, not counting the bag I keep packed full of library books or the random copies I keep squirreled away in my desk for a rainy day; however, I don't believe my adoration of books has ever turned into something unhealthy.

The narrator of The Night Bookmobile is a young woman who encounters a mysterious library, a collection of books in the back of a Winnebago that reflect each and every book she's ever read, and it sparks an obsession.  It's based on a similar tale by H.G. Wells, "The Door in the Wall," in which a young man becomes consumed by rediscovering the verdant paradise he found behind a mysterious green door.  They have many of the same undertones:  obsession, desperation, an all-consuming (read:  deadly) need to go back to a time and place that was, in a word, happier.

I was really bothered by the way The Night Bookmobile ended.  I know I'm going to ruin the ending, I'm sorry, but I just can't adequately express how I feel about the story without telling you how it ends and how it made me feel after all is said and done.  You see, The Night Bookmobile ends when the narrator commits suicide and becomes a night librarian.  Shortly thereafter, she discovers her collection has been decommissioned, because, and I quote, "only the living have libraries."

Truthfully, I couldn't decide if I was bothered more by the fact the narrator committed suicide in her desperate attempt to reconnect with her library or the fact that her library--in essence, her collective knowledge, her entire sense of being and self--simply disappears.  The entire story raises questions about mortality and what really matters in life...and what's leftover for the next generation.

It's haunting, and it makes me squirm.  I can't decide whether I like it or whether I hate it.  Part of me dislikes it, dislikes the narrator's suicide and the disappearance of her library (her knowledge); however, another part of me is intrigued by the entire thing, by the notion that all books written or read are available somewhere--and that something, however small, is left for the next generation, some semblance of knowledge is passed down and never really lost.

Like I said, I'm conflicted.  As a coworker noted, The Night Bookmobile is not a book that anyone can read without feeling something, good or bad, and forming an opinion about it.

The Ugly
Suicide.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year: Read Harder Challenge 2016

Since I completed my Read Harder Challenge of 2016 and filled in all the categories recommended by BookRiot, I created some of my own unique categories.  As part of my continued challenge, I've decided to:
  1. Read a book by or about a librarian (or about a library)
  2. Read a medical book (fiction or nonfiction)
  3. Listen to an audiobook romance
  4. Read a brand new, recently published book (anything from 2016)
  5. Read a spin-off from a classic novel and/or fairy tale
  6. Read a book about cake (fiction or nonfiction)
  7. Read a fantasy book featuring dragons
16101121
Gotham Books
I thought it might prove fun to dive into some new books I might not otherwise find.  Some are based on recommendations from co-workers, while others are based on books from my TBR pile--and still others are just ideas that seemed like fun.  And with the countdown to the New Year on, I can't wait to tell you all about the books I've read, starting with a book by (and about) a librarian:  The World's Strongest Librarian by Josh Hanagarne.

If you've never read Josh Hanagarne I highly recommend his memoir.  It's funny, it's candid, it's insightful, and, ultimately, it's uplifting.  Although Hanagarne does discuss religion, his main focus is his family, his battle with Tourette's, his struggles with infertility, and his general love of the library and all things literary.  It's enjoyable to see his passion for his family, his books, and his weightlifting come to the forefront as he learns to balance all the different aspects of his life.  Overall, it's a pretty great read.

Next, I read (or, rather, listened to) a medical book--a historical medical drama, fyi--by Tessa Harris:  The Anatomist's Apprentice.  Narrated by  Simon Vance, The Anatomist's Apprentice was an interesting deviation from my usual reading material.  Thomas Silkstone is a young anatomist from Philadelphia who finds himself in England about the time of the Revolutionary War, caught in the midst of a medical mystery...and a murder  It's dark, rather macabre, but it's ultimately fascinating with the sheer depth of detail and history included.  I enjoyed my time in Silkstone's world, and I found myself quickly gravitating to book number two, The Dead Shall Not Rest.

8546358
Bantam
As for listening to an audiobook romance, I decided to check out more by Sarah Addison Allen and picked up The Peach Keeper.  Now, let me give you a warning, I have read almost everything by Allen, except Lost Lake (that one is currently in my TBR), and I have loved almost everything she's written.  The Peach Keeper was no different.  I loved the characters and the complexity of their histories; I loved the little hints of every day magic she weaves into her novels; I even loved the ghost story, which is saying something, as I am not a fan of ghosts.  It was a wonderful visit back to her world, and it was so much fun recognizing an old friend.

I also picked up a brand new book just published this year, a little novel by J. Ryan Stradal called Kitchens of the Great Midwest.  Another audiobook, I know, but it was just as rewarding as any other.  Although it follows a myriad of characters, it focuses on Eva Thorvald and her life as she grows into her own--and all the foods that influenced her in the process.  That's really the simplified version; Kitchens of the Great Midwest is much more complex, much more nuanced than I make it out to be.  It's a recurring cast of characters centered around Eva, but it's quite unlike anything I've ever read.  It's wonderful, and I absolutely adored the narrators, Amy Ryan and Michael Stuhlbarg.
25938397
G.P. Putnam & Sons

Speaking of new books, I also discovered Jane Steele by Lyndsay Faye, which fit nicely into my category for a spin-off novel based on a classic work or a fairy tale.  There were several options for this particular category, but I decided on Jane Steele because Jane Eyre.  I love Jane Eyre (as is probably apparent here), and I loved having the opportunity to reimagine her story not as the quiet, resolute girl who refused to give ground to anyone or relinquish her personal beliefs, but as the sharp, deadly woman with no qualms whatsoever of killing if it means protecting herself and her own.  It's fascinating the contrasts, and I came to love Jane Steele equally for her unwavering commitment to being bad.  It's a rousing good time.

Next, I decided to keep my love of food alive with a book about cake and sisterhood:  The Secret to Hummingbird Cake by Celeste Fletcher McHale.  While I will admit that I liked Garden Spells and The Glass Kitchen better, I enjoyed reading McHale's debut novel--and I absolutely loved getting to know her characters.  I liked Carrigan and I liked Ella Rae for their bravery, sass, and sheer stubborness, but I adored Laine.  She's the impetus of the story, the reason for it all, and, like Carrigan and Ella Rae, I felt an unexpected affection and wonderful kinship with her.  I enjoyed reading their story more than I thought I would.  For a debut novel, The Secret to Hummingbird Cake was pretty great.

352262
Little, Brown Books for
Young Readers
Last but not least, I read a fantasy book featuring dragons with How to Train Your Dragon by Cressida Cowell.  I picked Cowell's novel up because I fell in love with the movie of the same name; however, I was a little disappointed.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading How to Train Your Dragon.  It's fun, it's inventive, and it's a great series for young readers (I especially liked the Hairy Scary Librarian), but, unfortunately, it's not what I expected.  I made the critical mistake of judging the book in comparison to the movie--and they're two very different creatures.  How to Train Your Dragon the book is very different from How to Train Your Dragon the movie, and it's best not to go into either one with the same expectations.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Finding Serendipity

Scholastic
Finding Serendipity
Angelica Banks
2013

The Summary
"When Tuesday McGillycuddy and her beloved dog, Baxterr, discover that Tuesday's mother--the famous author Serendipity Smith--has gone missing, they venture to the mysterious and unpredictable place that stories come from.  To save the lives of those she loves, Tuesday must summon all her wit, courage, and imagination.  But how will she ever find her way home?"

The Good
I picked up Finding Serendipity on whim when I spotted it in a local book fair at my library.  For some reason, I fell in love with the cover and I simply couldn't resist finding out what adventures that Tuesday was about to share with her loyal dog Baxterr.  I jumped right in and, honestly, I'm glad I did.

Finding Serendipity is an excellent book for young readers.  Full of terrifying villains, swashbuckling heroes, clever heroines, and plenty of adventure, Angelica Banks' novel is an intriguing thriller with a very unique story.  I especially loved the inventive way Banks' portrayed authors and their novels, creating a malleable world shaped by an author's thoughts, dreams, and words.

The beginning of the story is a thread that takes you on an adventure through time and space to encounter incredible creatures and magical places.  I loved the notion that words could literally transport an author and a reader.  It was a nice, magical element to the novel that connected the real world with the author's imagined world.

The Bad
Finding Serendipity is for younger readers, so it isn't a particularly complex novel.  It does encounter some mature themes, such as life and death, but, for the most part, it's pretty straight-forward and not particularly scary.

Don't get me wrong, Mothwood is a sinister and, quite frankly, terrifying villain; moreover, I found a few moments were a bit pulse-pounding as I hoped for the safety of Vivienne Smalls, Tuesday and her beloved dog.  But, overall, it's a novel best suited to younger readers and it reflects in the writing and content.

The Ugly
Mothwood.

He really creeps me out.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

The World's Strongest Librarian

16101121
Gotham Books
The World's Strongest Librarian
Josh Hanagarne
2013

The Summary
"A funny, book-obsessed kid, Josh Hanagarne was born to Mormon parents in rural Utah.  He plotted escape to Piers Anthony's land of Xanth, freaked himself out with Stephen King's Pet Sematary, and fell feverishly in love with Fern from E.B. White's Charlotte's Web.

"Large for his age, Josh was playing the role of Tree in his elementary school play when he suddenly started twitching uncontrollably.  Turns out the tree had Tourette Syndrome.

"By the time Josh turned twenty, his tics had become too drastic to ignore.  Desperate for liberation, Josh tried all possible treatment:  well-intentioned chiropractic massage from a future convict; antipsychotic drugs that left him in a fog; even Botox injected directly into his vocal cords to paralyze them, which left him voiceless for two years.  The results were dismal.

"As his tics worsened, the list of casualties grew:  Josh's relationship with his girlfriend, his Mormon mission, his college career, countless jobs, his sense of self, and--slowly but relentlessly--his faith.

"It turned out to be weight lifting that provided the most lasting relief, as Josh learned to "throttle" his tics into submission in the weight room.  Under guidance from an eccentric, autistic strongman--and former Air Force tech sergeant and prison guard in Iraq--Josh quickly went from lifting dumbbells and barbells to performing increasingly elaborate feats (like rolling up frying pans and bending spikes).  What started as a hobby became an entire way of life--and an effective way of managing his disorder.

"At an imposing 6'7" and literally incapable of sitting still, Josh is certainly not your average librarian.  He is an aspiring strongman, bookish nerd, twitchy guy with Tourette Syndrome, devoted family man, and tearer of phone books.  A tall, thin paradox in thick glasses.  Funny and offbeat, The World's Strongest Librarian traces this unlikely hero as he attempts to overcome his disability, navigate his wavering faith, find love, and create a life worth living."

The Good
The World's Strongest Librarian is a sweet, amusing book that confronts the normal issues of life and Tourette's.  I found Josh Hanagarne's memoir both engaging and entertaining, a overall enjoyable story by an excellent writer.  He captures his own unique voice, conveying his humor and heartbreak through the pages as he struggles with religion, life, Tourette Syndrome, love, infertility, fatherhood and more.

It's insightful and humorous and completely candid, and it's sure to pluck at your heart strings.  He illuminates all the usual challenges with Tourette's, expressing his grief and his embarrassment and his feelings of futility, and he offers insight into all the difficulties in working for a library, but he keeps an upbeat attitude and tells his story with, I imagine, a grin.

It's also very well-written; more importantly, it's accessible.  His honesty lends a special quality to his work and allows him to write a particularly exceptional memoir that's full of life and vitality.  And I appreciated his love of books that were sprinkled throughout his work.  As an avid reader, I could relate to him through his love of books even if I couldn't always relate to his syndrome or his exercise routines.

Overall, I enjoyed reading Hanagarne's book.  It's memorable, fun, interesting, and vastly entertaining.  I especially loved his insight into the everyday workings of the Salt Lake City Library.  It reminded me of reading I Work at a Public Library by Gina Sheridan, and I enjoyed his stories of working as a librarian that left me reminiscing of my own experiences at the library.

Plus, I loved the acknowledgements page.  I know that might sound odd and, honestly, I usually don't pay much attention to acknowledgements, but I found myself cracking up as Hanagarne paid the usual thanks to friends and family and editors and others who have influenced his work--and left such an indelible mark on him.

I enjoyed it probably more than I should have.

The Bad
Sometimes, I thought The World's Strongest Librarian struggled with pacing.  It seemed to drag at different intervals and, moreover, it felt a little scattered.  I would occasionally mistake the present for the past, switching his current experiences as a librarian with his past experiences as a child or adolescent because certain sections were clearly defined.

I wouldn't consider it a deal breaker, merely a quirk to notice if you're reading Hanagarne's memoir.

The Ugly
Life is not always easy, or pretty.  In fact, it can be utterly heart-breaking and tragic.  After reading about his fight with Tourette's, his struggles with infertility and adoption, his personal agonies over religion, I found it's sometimes difficult to stomach it all.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

I Work at a Public Library

Adams Media
I Work at a Public Library
Gina Sheridan
2014

The Summary
"From a patron's missing wetsuit to the scent of crab cakes wafting through the stacks, I Work at a Public Library showcases the oddities that have come across Gina Sheridan's circulation desk.  Throughout these pages, she catalogs her encounters with local eccentrics as well as the questions that plague her, such as 'What is the standard length of eyebrow hairs?'  Whether she's helping someone scan his face onto an online dating site or explaining why the library doesn't have any dragon autobiographies, Sheridan's bizarre tales prove that she's truly seen it all.

"Stacked high with hundreds of strange-but-true, and sometimes heartwarming, stories, I Work at a Public Library celebrates librarians and the unforgettable patrons who roam the stacks every day."

The Good
Sheridan's book is informative and insightful:  it shows the good and the bad that librarians face every single day.  Now, since I'm working at a library of my own, I can relate to each and every story I encounter in I Work at a Public Library.  It's my work week in a nutshell, I've realized; however, it's also an opportunity to commiserate over and laugh about all the wild and crazy things that happen at the library every day.

Accessible and humorous, I Work at a Public Library was full of little details and anecdotes that make it an absolute gem.  I loved that Sheridan classified and alphabetized each story she recounted, as one would in a library.  Each story feels like it's listed in and pulled from a card catalog, and I was so thrilled when I realized what Sheridan had done with her book.  I got a kick out of it.

And then there's Cuckoo Carol.

She was my absolute favorite "character."  Her chapter was the best for the simple reason that I have a Cuckoo Carol in my life.  (Actually, I have two or three who, like Carol, test the limits of human patience and make my job a little more interesting each week.)  She was cheeky, she was sarcastic and brutally honest, but she was virtually harmless, if a little infuriating, and she was absolutely hilarious.  This book would not have been the same without Cuckoo Carol.

The Bad
Honestly, it was too short.  I would have loved to have heard more about Cuckoo Carol and the other patrons that Sheridan (and other librarians) has worked with throughout the years.

The Ugly
It's very, very true.  No, seriously, these stories are one hundred percent true.  They happen every day at libraries around the world.

And, sometimes, it's even worse in person.